


Hana & Kai

by Rocofort



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Did I Mention Angst?, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Hurt, I'm Sorry, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love, Why Did I Make This SOOO Sad, it's there I promise, squint for fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:47:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26799055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocofort/pseuds/Rocofort
Summary: Chaewon had always known her experience with soulmates was different than everyone else's. No one knew what she was talking about when she described the pain her mark radiated.What happens when the pain can no longer be ignored?
Relationships: Choi Yerim | Choerry/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye, Park Chaewon | Go Won & Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye, Park Chaewon | Go Won/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye
Comments: 25
Kudos: 122





	1. Tired

**Author's Note:**

> I'm apologize in advance for the angst dump you are about to expose your eyes to. I have kind of a weird take on the whole soulmate/hanahaki trope so sorry about that to
> 
> In other news, Loona's coming back soon!!!!!!! I'm so hyped they are one of my favorite music artists period. This is my first Loona fic, so I hope you like. Also I'm sorry for starting this when I have one more chapter on my TWICE fic. I can never seem to finish anything I write. Ugh writing is hard. Usually in everything else I'm a completionist, like in videogames I have to do every side quest to get 100% completion before I put the game down for good, but not with writing. Oh well 
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoy the complete mess below :)
> 
> TW: there is vomiting and a slight panic attack, just to let you know

Chaewon was at a stable part of her life. The feeling of having eleven incredible women who will always have your back has made a lot of aspects of the idol life easier for the girl. During the debut process, Chaewon had barely thought of her soulmate, even though she could feel the constant tug of her soulmate. In the earlier days of her debut, it was so hectic and time consuming, she never had time to ponder the burn she felt on her soulmark at odd times during the day. Chaewon had gained her footing. She felt more confident in her place as an idol, and her place among her members. 

Recently, it became almost impossible to ignore the burning. Chaewon read everything she could get her hands on about soulmates. Research, studies, theories, anything. She hasn’t been able to find much about soulmarks burning however. The only thing she was able to find was an old folk story about a man whose soulmark burned to the point where it pushed him to suicide. Chaewon wrote it off as fiction, being unable to read past the summary. Even though she still had the book, she couldn’t bring herself to actually read the story.

According to Jungeun, who had already discovered her soulmate, meeting your other half fills you with a gentle warmth, like standing in the sun's life filled rays. Jinsoul, Jungeun’s soulmate, said something similar. Your whole body fills with a pleasant, cozy feeling. Whatever Chaewon felt was not pleasant. Yet, she wasn’t too worried. Everyone got a soulmate, that’s just the way it worked, she was lucky she had a mark.

Around the time of a comeback, things really start to pick up again, and Chaewon pushes the topic to the back of her mind, ignoring the pain the silver crescent moon was pulsing into her upper arm. 

-

When she got her soulmark at ten, everyone talked about them. All the kids in her grade showed them off, yet no one’s seemed to burn like hers. When she mentioned the constant pain, people looked at her funny. Chaewon quickly learned it was easier to not talk about hers at all.

However, over time, Chaewon grew more comfortable talking about soulmates with her members. The only person who knew of Chaewon’s strange situation was Yerim. Something about the girl helped make Chaewon more comfortable talking about it. They both dreamed together, and Chaewon appreciated the younger girl always being a steady presence to talk to. 

Chaewon had seen Yerim, Junguen and Jinsol’s soulmark, but no one else’s in the group. Even after knowing each other for so long, it was a very intimate thing to show someone. 

Yerim’s soulmark was beautiful, a wolf laying in a position like the letter ‘C’ on her collarbone. 

Speaking of the girl, Yerim was currently laying her head in Chaewon’s lap, sighing exaggeratedly, trying to draw Chaewon’s attention from her book.

“I think I might have an idea who my soulmate is.” Yerim said.

Chaewon raised her eyebrows, looking up from her book, a silent gesture for her to continue.

“I mean, whenever I’m near her, it feels like I’m drinking a cup of hot tea in a cozy blanket. I’m not sure because I haven’t been alone with her enough, but it's there. It really is.”

The wistful smile on Yerim’s face told Chaewon everything she needed to know.

“Whipped.” Chaewon said, grinning, but the smile was slightly forced.

Yerim instantly picked up on her expression and frowned. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t bring it up to you-”

“No!” Chaewon yelled, interrupting her. “Yerim I am so happy for you. I want you to be able to tell me these things.”

“But that’s not fair to you, your mark brings you pain, not joy.”

“Well, I still have a soulmark, so I have a soulmate. Please don’t feel bad.” Chaewon pleaded.

“Sorry, I would just hate to make you feel bad.”

“I said it’s okay Yerim, we have talked about this before. Every time I have said it’s okay. Please, I’m excited for you.”

“Well, I’ll tell you who it is when I’m sure it’s who I think it is.”

“One question, do I know them?”

“Yeah, you do.” Yerim grinned. With that, Chaewon returned to her book, Yerim making herself comfortable in her lap.

-

Something Chaewon had noticed recently was the burning on her mark was consistently more painful. Usually, some days it would be a dull ache, barely there. Other days it would sharply pierce her whole body. Lately, however, it has been painful every day, with no break in between.

This made practice extremely hard. Chaewon was the type to put herself completely into it and practice as long as it took to get the choreo down, as were most of the members. But it kept getting harder and harder on her body. 

“Okay ladies, let's do a few more takes. I know we can get the bridge down. Five more minutes and we can get started again.” Sooyoung said, pausing the music.

Chaewon collapsed next to her water bottle, unable to catch her breath. They were about two hours into practice, and she felt ready to collapse. Normally, the five to six hour practices she could get through without much trouble, but they were only two hours in, and her body felt ready to shut down. The pain in her chest and on her arm was getting so piercing. She couldn’t catch her breath. 

“Hey Chae, you doing alright?” Chaewon instantly recognized the voice and looked up, her mark heating to a searing blaze.

“I-I’m fine.”

Hyejoo flashed a lopsided grin and flopped next to her, resting her head back on the wall.

“You sure?” Hyejoo asked, staring at her with a slightly concerned face. 

“Yeah, I’m just a little tired, I stayed up late last night.”

“Come on you nerd, you gotta get rest. You know it’s comeback time. You need your sleep.” 

Chaewon snorted, “Son Hyejoo calling me a nerd. That’s funny.” She said, slapping her arm lightly.

“Park Chaewon indirectly denies being a nerd, even more funny.” Hyejoo said, giving her a light punch back. Right on her mark, which hurt so much Chaewon couldn’t help the yelp of pain that escaped her lips.

“Oh my god, I didn’t hit you that hard did I?” Hyejoo said, eyes wide. 

“No, I was just messing with you. Chaewon lied, fighting the urge to rub her arm. 

“Chae, your acting skills are impeccable.”

“Thanks, but that doesn’t excuse you calling me a nerd.”

Hyejoo looked like she was going to say something, but abruptly stopped and turned to look to her right.

Yerim was skipping over with a smile on her face and all but jumped on Hyejoo, who grunted at the sudden weight unceremoniously dropped on her lap.

Chaewon faltered, feeling suddenly awkward. Yerim was grinning and Hyejoo was complaining, as usual, but there was a huge smile on her face. Chaewon felt mesmerized by her smile.It was when Yerim said something that Chaewon realized the excruciating pain her mark was causing. 

Hyejoo wasn’t, was she? Whenever her soulmark flared up, she was usually with at least a few people, so it was hard to figure out, but it was becoming clearer. No, Hyejoo would have said something by now. She is an extremely upfront person. She would have mentioned they were soulmates already. It couldn’t be her. 

“Okay everyone, back into positions, break time is over.” Sooyoung shouted, clapping her hands.

Chaewon groaned and got up. Taking a deep breath, she focused on the choreography, ignoring everything going on around her.

-

That night, Chaewon lay in her bed, unable to rest her mind. Earlier, she couldn’t wait to get to sleep. Now that she was actually in bed, her mind wouldn’t turn off. She turned to lay on her right side, facing the room. Then she saw the book, it was a combination of many short folk stories, and it had the one with the man with a burning soulmark. Chaewon thought she made up her mind about it being fiction, but it was getting out of control. The pull. The pain. She needed answers. Maybe the man found a way to make the pain go away. 

Getting up quietly, she grabbed the book and a flashlight. Curling back up, she flipped to the start of the story. It had a strange name, Hanahaki. Chaewon made a mental note to look that up after. She read the story from the beginning. It was a relatively short story, she could easily finish it tonight.

It started out with a man, whose soulmark had burned as long as he could remember, just like Chaewon’s. As the story went on, he met a girl, who he was positive was his soulmate. What everyone else described, he truly felt. He quickly fell in love with her, and as they got closer, he assumed she knew they were destined for each other.

As Chaewon kept reading, she realized just how old this was, likely from hundreds of years ago. The man was ready to confess his love, the pain in his soulmark had all but gone away. 

One day, the man was in a large field, covered in blooming flowers of all types. He was selecting the perfect ones for a bouquet to give to the woman, when his soulmark started burning. The pain was so unbearable he collapsed, losing consciousness. When he woke up, he was back in his home, the woman, Hana, was there along with another man. The man, Kai, was still in so much pain, and the pull he felt towards Hana was so strong, he had to do something. 

“Hana, who is this?” he asked, desperation in his voice. He already had a feeling who it was, but had to hear it for himself.

“Kai, he helped me carry you back, we found you passed out in the flower fields. He is my soulmate.”

Chaewon immediately shut the book. No, it was impossible. His soulmate wasn’t his back? Chaewon felt her breathing quicken, panic seeping into her thoughts. 

She tried to take a deep calming breath, but couldn’t calm herself down. The tug her heart felt was getting stronger, she wanted to go to Hyejoo. Hyejoo.

It was Hyejoo. 

Chaewon felt so overwhelmed, she didn’t even stop the tears from escaping her eyes. She wanted to just sob loudly, but knew that wasn’t an option. So there she lay, sniffling and sobbing. Drawing in quick breaths as panic took over.

Hyejoo was her soulmate. All the years of her being drawn to the woman made sense. The unexplainable amount of joy she felt around Hyejoo suddenly made sense. Wanting to hug her and touch her and just be with her. 

The burning…

“Chaewon?” She heard a voice whisper. 

It was Hasuel, peeking her head into the room. Chaewon contemplated not answering, but she had a feeling Hasuel somehow knew she was up. She wiped the tears from her face and steadied her breath.

“Yeah.” She croaked, her voice heavy from crying.

Hasuel approached the bed and sat next to her.

“Why are you crying Chae?” Hasuel whispered, brushing the hair out of her face.

“Unnie, I’m sorry for waking you, I-“

“You didn’t wake me, I just had a feeling. Anyway, tell me what’s bothering you, I want to help you.”

“Unnie, have you…” she trailed off, trying to get the words out. The way Hasuel was looking at her, with so much love and compassion, made her want to start crying all over again. “Have you met your soulmate?”

“I-yes I have.”

“How do you know it’s them?”

“Well, you just feel this pull, like a magnet. It’s impossible to ignore. Is that what this is about?”

“Unnie, I think…” Chaewon couldn’t say it out loud. Much less to someone else. She didn’t know for sure if Hyejoo was her soulmate. Sure the pull was there, but she could be wrong.

“I don’t know unnie. I need some time.” Chaewon whispered. 

Hasuel smiled at her, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“It’s no rush Chae. Plus, there is more life than just soulmates. Whatever is going on, there are other things to look forward too. It’s okay to prioritize other things over your soulmate.”

“But I have been prioritizing other things! I have been only thinking about this group, and the fans, and keeping our image.” 

“So maybe the answer is to introspect. I think that’s very important Chae, you need to be self aware.” Hasuel hugged her tighter. “Maybe you should prioritize your soulmate instead of all these other things.”

“Thanks unnie.” Chaewon said, resting her head on the older woman’s shoulder. 

The exhaustion from the past week was finally catching up to her, and resting in Hasuel’s arms made her feel safe.

Chaewon woke up on her bed, still wrapped in Hasuel’s arms. She slowly sat up, untangling from Hasuel’s strong grip. Chaewon smiled. It really felt like Hasuel was her mom sometimes. She peeked at the clock and noticed it was pretty early, almost six in the morning. 

She slept for maybe four hours.

Pulling off the covers, she gently rose from her bed. Before leaving, she pulled the covers back over Hasuel and quietly tiptoed out of the room. 

She looked around the dorm while she walked to the kitchen, noticing all the lights were off except in the bathroom. She entered the kitchen and filled the electric kettle with water, wanting some tea to calm herself. Her soulmark was throbbing steadily, but it was bearable. While she waited for the water to boil, she heard the door to the bathroom open, and felt her body tug in that direction. Chaewon didn’t have to turn to know it was Hyejoo.

“You’re up early.” Hyejoo said, hopping on a stool in front of the kitchen island. 

The pain in her mark dulled slightly.

“Yeah, I don’t know why I woke up so early. How come you're up?”

“Had to pee.” Hyejoo said flatly.

The kettle light flashed, distracting Chaewon from their conversation. She turned to pour the water in her mug, turning her back to Hyejoo.

Once she finished, she turned around to see Hyejoo standing just centimeters away from her.

Chaewon looked down, unable to handle the close proximity. The tug was so strong, Chaewon did everything she could to stop herself from surging forward and hugging her.

“Are you okay Chae? You don’t look so good.” Hyejoo took another step forward, cupping her cheeks with both hands, tilting head upwards. 

The pain in her mark disappeared.

“You feel so cold, are you getting sick?”

“I… I don’t think so.” Chaewon said, eyes wide in panic. The way Hyejoo was looking at her. The pull. She longed for this. This was everything Chaewon wanted. She wanted Hyejoo.

“You’re seriously freezing. Even in that sweater? Come on, we should get you back to bed, you might be getting a cold or something.” 

Hyejoo took her hand and gently guided her back to the room she shared with Jiwoo, Jungeun and Yeojin.

Hyejoo stopped in front of Chaewon’s bunk.

“How come Hasuel unnie is in your bed?”

“I um… I had a rough night. She checked on me.” 

Hyejoo’s expression softened, and she wrapped Chaewon in a hug, she stiffened. 

Hyejoo rarely hugged anyone and she was kind of panicking.

“God Chae, you’re really freezing. Get in bed, I’ll grab you an extra blanket.” 

Chaewon slid back into bed next to Hasuel, who had turned and spread out on her back. Hyejoo tucked her in with a smile.

“I’ll be right back.”

Chaewon’s heart was racing. That feeling. The one everyone talked about. The slight warmth spreading through her body. It was everything Jungeun described and more. She felt so at peace.

Hyejoo really was her soulmate. There was no mistaking it. 

Hyejoo re-entered the room with a large, thick blanket and draped it over Chaewon’s comforter.

She planted a kiss on her forehead.

“Good night Chae.” 

-

When Chaewon woke up, Hasuel was no longer in her bed. The weight of the blankets felt good, but her mark did not. The pain waas back, worse than yesterday. 

She got up and looked at her clock, it was almost 4:00, and looking out her window she realised it was four in the afternoon.

Her eyes widened in shock. They had another practice today and it was supposed to start at noon, but she slept this whole time. Scrambling out of bed, she stood up and ran to the closet, throwing off her pajamas and throwing on a pair of athletic shorts and a t-shirt. She rushed out of the room, to find Hasuel sitting on the living room couch.

“Unnie? How come you didn’t wake me for practice? Why aren’t you at practice?” Chaewon said, frantically rushing to the door to put on her shoes.

Hasuel looked up from her phone, patting the spot next to her on the couch. Confused, she stopped trying to tug on her shoes and walked over to sit next to her. Hasuel raised a hand up and felt her forehead. 

“You’re not running a fever.” Hasual said, her brow scrunched in concern. 

“I’m not sick unnie.” Chaewon pouted.

“Hyejoo was really worried about you this morning. She said you were extremely cold, and I would agree.”

“I don’t feel cold.”

“Are you in pain anywhere? Maybe it’s something else,” Hasuel said, wrapping them in a blanket. 

“You still haven’t answered my question about practice.”

“Don’t worry about practice,” Hasuel scolded with a stern look, “now tell me. Are you in pain?”

Chaewon contemplated telling Hasuel about her mark, but her train of thought was interrupted by a sudden wave of nausea. Chaewon gagged, before standing up and running to the bathroom. She could hear Hasuel rushing behind her. She raced to the toilet, dry-heaving while Hasuel held her hair, but nothing came out.

“Unnie, I don’t… I don’t feel so good.” Chaewon panted after a few minutes of nausea induced gags.

“Maybe we should see a doc-” Hasuel suggested, before being interrupted by Chaewon bending over, finally throwing up in the toilet. When she finished throwing up, Chaewon felt dizzy and lost her balance, falling to her right. Luckily Hasuel was able to catch the girl and rest her down gently on the floor. 

“Chae? You okay?”

“Suelie? I… my mark. It hurts. It hurts so bad.” Chaewon said.

“Your mark? Your soulmark?” Hasuel asked, disbelief on her face. Chaewon nodded.

“What do you mean? I don’t understand.”

“As long as I’ve had my mark, it’s always hurt. But recently, it’s gotten worse.” 

“Is this why you’re getting sick?” Hasuel asked. Chaewon shrugged, unsure of the answer herself. “Why would I be getting sick now though, if I’ve had my mark for over half my life?”

“Maybe something changed. Did you meet your soulmate? Do you know who it is?”

Chaewon looked away. She couldn’t accept it. Hyejoo was her soulmate, no doubt about it. But then why was this happening to her. It couldn’t be. She had never even heard of someone having a one sided soulbond. The only thing she could find was an old folk story that was probably fiction. 

“You know, don’t you.” Hasuel said, more of a statement than a question. “Please, tell me what’s going on Chae, I want to help you. I-I care so much about you.”

“Unnie, I don’t know why this is happening. It just hurts so bad.”

“Who else knows? Have you told anyone?”

“Yerim knows.”

“Do you think you can stand?”

Chaewon nodded, and Hasuel grabbed her hands to help pull her to her feet. Hasuel flushed the toilet before guiding Chaewon out of the bathroom, not noticing the single red flower petal amongst Chaewon’s vomit. 

-

It was a few days after Chaewon threw up and surprisingly, she had gotten better after that. Physically wise, she no longer felt nauseous or dizzy. Her mark went back to the constant dull throb. She felt as if she went back to normal, aside a few flare ups from her mark.

One thing that had changed however, was the dynamic between her and all the members, especially Hasuel. The older girl constantly was checking on her and getting things for her, making sure she was alright. A lot of the other members checked in on her as well.

Seeing Hasuel in her ‘mom mode’ was more funny than Chaewon anticipated. She was truly an exceptionally caring person.

Hasuel even reluctantly let her attend practice with the rest of the group again. Chaewon really felt like she had recovered from whatever happened a few days ago.

Chaewon was laying in her bed, freshly showered after a long day of practice when Yerim exploded into the room. 

Yerim was a consistent presence of joy. Though something about her was somehow more happy than usual. 

“Chaeeee,” Yerim sang, practically skipping over to her. Chaewon ignored the girl who stopped in front of her bed, where she lay, scrolling through Instagram. 

“Guess what?” Yerim asked cheerfully, clasping her hands together with a look of sheer joy on her face. Chaewon couldn’t help but curl her lips into a small smile at the slightly younger girl. 

“What?”

“You know how I told you the other day I thought I knew who my soulmate is? Well, we figured it out.”

“Really? That’s great Yerim! Who is it? When did it happen?” 

“Shhh, all will be revealed soon, I decided to have a group meeting so I could tell the whole group at once. We just have to wait for Heejin to get finished showering and then I will announce it.”

Chaewon nodded. She shoved her phone in her pocket and got up. When she got to the living room, the whole group, minus Heejin, was sitting around on the couch or the floor. Chaewon saw a spot next to Hasuel and tunnel visioned right to her.

“So why are we having a group meeting again?” Yeojin asked.

“Just wait for Heejin, you need to be more patient Yeojin.” Hasuel scolded. The youngest rolled her eyes playfully.

Chaewon silently observed everyone in the room. Everyone mostly seemed confused, and looking at Yerim felt like looking at the sun, she was smiling so widely. Hyejoo was fiddling with the hem of her shirt nervously however. Chaewon frowned.

“Okay, I’m done!” Heejin came barreling into the room, “Now tell us what’s going on!”

“Thank you all for coming to the meeting, I wanted to tell you that me and Hyejoo, well…” Yerim glanced at Hyejoo.

“We’re soulmates.” Hyejoo mumbled, looking down with a blush.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //tw for descriptions of suicide
> 
> Please know whats best for yourself 
> 
> This one is sad idk why i wrote it like this im just going through shit i guess
> 
> Sorry for errors i dont proofread

The pain her body was like none she had ever experienced. All the other members were congratulating the new couple, but Chaewon was frozen. Hyejoo looked so endearing, so happy with a shy blush dusted lightly on her face. Watching Yerim grasp Hyejoo’s hand, intertwining their fingers, while the other members teased and cooed at them was too much. All this information was too much. She was just beginning to accept that Hyejoo was her soulmate, but everything was being ripped from underneath her. The physical pain that came along with it was so overwhelming she almost collapsed, but she had to be strong. She had to be strong for her friends.

“Aw you guys are just so cute, you guys really are perfect for each other!” Jiwoo yelled, clasping her hands together in excitement.

“Ha! Looks like the big bad wolf is turning soft, look at her blushing!” Sooyoung said, joining in the teasing. 

Chaewon was getting more and more dizzy. They really were perfect for each other. Yerim and Hyejoo’s personalities may clash, but it didn’t take a genius to realize they balance each other out well. 

The pain was too much. 

With all the members distracted, Chaewon slipped away to her room, unable to act supportive when she was in such a vulnerable state.

None of the members but Yerim and Hasuel knew of her mark, and even they didn’t know the full extent of it. One thing she was growing grateful for was her not telling Hasuel or Yerim that Hyejoo was her soulmate. Not like they would believe her anyway. The others were under the impression she was sick, but had gotten better. She layed on her bed, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to calm her sporadic breathing. The pain spread to her chest, it felt like her throat was restricting, and she started gasping for air, as if someone was choking her. As soon as it came however, her breathing eased and air flowed in and out like normal. 

Still hearing a commotion outside, Chaewon steeled herself before leaving her room, and walking back to the living space. As much as she hated it, Yerim and Hyejoo were still her friends, her best friends, and she knew she needed to be there for them.

“Chae! There you are, I was just about to go find you!” Yerim said, skipping over to her and grabbing both her hands, swinging them gently. “So… are you surprised?” The grinning girl asked, slightly nervous.

Chaewon attempted a small smile, nodding her head, “I’m happy for you Yerim, we have been talking about this for so long, I’m glad you guys finally found out.”

Yerim’s smile faltered. “Actually, um, about that. Me and Hyejoo, well-um,” the girl looked away, “we’ve known for a while actually.” 

Chaewon furrowed her brow. She knew that some people realized their bond instantaneously, while other people’s bond grew over time, but was unsure how it was for Yerim and Hyejoo. Chaewon knew it was definitely gradual for herself. The blue haired girl decided to stay quiet, allowing Yerim to continue.

“We’ve known we were soulmates for a-about 3 months know…” Yerim trailed off, looking down again. She couldn’t imagine what would have happened if she came clean and told Yerim she even suspected Hyejoo as her soulmate. There have been wars started in the past over disputes over a soulmate, Chaewon remembers learning about Helen of Troy, how Menelaus and Paris both claimed her as their soulmate, causing Greece and Troy to go to war.

Chaewon couldn’t imagine what it would do to their friendship, if entire civilizations like Troy have fallen in the name of a soul bond. 

“I can tell you’re sorry Yerim and you don’t have to be. You were right to tell us when you were ready.” Yerim looked up, a huge grin and her face. Chaewon tried to smile back but couldn’t as Yerim wrapped her in a bone crushing hug. Over Yerim’s shoulder she spotted Hyejoo, groaning as Sooyoung and Hyunjin lectured her about using protection. Chaewon wanted to giggle at the horrified look on Hyejoo’s face, but she felt her breath leave her, and once again she was gasping for air. Yerim pulled back, a concerned look on her face. 

“Chae? What’s wrong?” She asked, keeping her hands on Chaewon’s shoulders. Chaewon felt her breath slowly recover, realizing the other members crowding around them, noticing Chaewon’s shortness of breath.

Hasuel made her way over as well, and Chaewon was angry at herself for ruining the happy moment for Yerim and Hyejoo.

“Everyone, give her space.”

“Is she still sick?” Heejin asked, backing up to make room for Hasuel.

Chaewon started coughing, before finally catching her breath. “I-I just need a minute. I’ll be fine. I swear it’s nothing.” 

Hasuel gave her a skeptical look, before leading her back gently to her room. 

“Everyone I’m gonna take care of her, just give us a minute and wait until I come out.” They all nodded. The mood turned solemn all of a sudden, and Chaewon felt as though she ruined everyone’s good time. They didn’t deserve to have to constantly worry about her all the time. They should be able to have fun.

Hasuel shut the door to the bedroom behind them before sitting down on the bed, patting the spot next to her. Chaewon sat, still trying to catch her breath. For a few moments, a heavy silence settled itself in the room, Chaewon’s loud breaths the only sound. 

“Chaewon?” Hasuel said, finally breaking through the blanket of silence.

“Yeah?” She answered, unsure of what Hasuel was going to ask.

“Please, tell me what’s going on. These past few days you have been getting better, but now I’m not so sure.”

“I thought I was getting better too, but…” Chaewon couldn’t say it. What would Hasuel think? Hyejoo and Yerim had just revealed they were soulmates, there was no way she could tell her.

“But what Chae?” Hasuel asked gently, her hand moving to run her back.

“My-my soulmate…” tears started welling in Chaewon’s eyes. Her mark had been burning this whole time, when she even thought of Hyejoo, it flared. She wanted to scream because of the pain. Hasuel said nothing, waiting for her to continue. 

“Unnie, my soulmate, they aren’t mine back.” She said, so softly Hasuel almost didn’t hear her. “I think that’s what’s making me sick.” She looked down, afraid to see Hasuel’s reaction. Afraid that her saying it aloud made it real. Afraid that things would never be the same between her, Yerim and Hyejoo. Afraid this wasn’t some elaborate dream.

Hasuel hummed softly. Chaewon was full on sobbing now, unable to hide the sounds of her cries. The members outside could probably hear it, but for once she was unable to hold it all in.

“I think we should take you to a doctor. Maybe they can give us some insights.”

Chaewon still cried, unable to object, and Hasuel pulled her into her arms, resting Chaewon’s head on her collarbone. The girl hummed softly, and Hasuel’s heartbeat was calming.

Eventually her cries turned to sniffled hiccups, and soon she was asleep, her body trying desperately to ease the pain.

Hasuel gently laid her down, tucking her in with a kiss on her forehead. She left the room quietly and shut the door behind her.

The members were all crowded in the hallway, trying to check on the girl.

“Everyone, head to the living room, she’s asleep.” They all nodded solemnly. Taking seats on the couches and floors, everyone looked to their leader to speak.

“I’m really not sure how much I can say, I want to respect Chae’s privacy, but I know Yerim has an idea of what’s going on as well. Has she talked to you recently about anything? Has anything changed?”

Yerim, who was seated on Hyejoo’s lap, widened her eyes. “Well, I haven’t really talked to her about it in a while. I’ve been asking her for advice and she would just listen.” Yerim gasped, “Oh I feel awful, if this is about her soulmate and I have been rubbing in her face that I found mine I just-”

“Wait, her soulmate? What does her soulmate have to do with this? I thought she was sick.” Heejin said.

Yerim slammed her hand over her mouth. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Hasuel sighed, “Well, I guess we'll just have to wait until Chaewon explains more. I’m not sure what she would be comfortable with me saying.” 

“Well, while she is sleeping, how about the new nasty couple over there.” Yeojin said, pointing to Hyejoo and Yerim who now had their hands intertwined.

They both blushed furiously and the mood slowly improved as they all poked fun at the new couple in their group.

Vivi stood up and sat next to Hasuel, grabbing her hands and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m worried about Chae…” was all the older girl said, glancing at Hasuel’s face. Hasuel watched the rest of her members, from Jiwoo pinching Hyejoo’s cheeks to Hyunjin and Yeojin gagging.

She glanced back at Vivi, “I’m worried too, it’s hard to figure out what I should do because I can’t really figure out what’s wrong. She always tells me bits and pieces, but it’s not really enough.” 

Vivi nodded.

“She um…” Hasuel debated telling Vivi, she knew Chaewon would probably be upset if she did, but all Hasuel wanted was to help the younger girl, and Vivi was always level headed in these types of situations.

“She said that her soulmate isn’t hers back. She’s in pain. Physical pain.” Hasuel spoke quietly, to not alert her other members.

Vivi’s eyes widened. “So, she knows who her soulmate is, and her soulmate isn’t hers back?” The girl whispered.

Hasuel nodded. “Apparently she’s been in pain for a while.” 

Vivi frowned.

“I’m not sure how to help her.” Hasuel said, trying to stop tears from forming into her eyes. 

“Well, if it’s affecting her health, we should take her to a doctor. I have never heard of something like this, but maybe the doctors have.”

Hasuel agreed. “I will take to her about it when she wakes up.” Vivi nodded, pulling the girl into a comforting hug. 

They sat together, watching their members, their family, goofing off. It felt off without Chaewon’s airy giggles, but Hasuel was going to stay positive. 

-

Chaewon didn’t really sleep, she was more in a haze, unable to move as Hasuel gently laid her down. Chaewon felt so loved by the older girl, it helped remind her that their leader was always going to be there for her.

After laying with her eyes shut, she felt the pain begin to subside. Cracking open her eyes, she saw that damn book on her shelf, almost mocking her with its mere presence. It was a true story, not some tragic spinoff movies and books liked to illustrate about soulmates. It was real, and Chaewon was living it.

She stood up slowly and grabbed the book, flipping back to the story. Against her better judgement, she wanted to see how it ended.

That word again, Hanahaki, made Chaewon curious. 

She found where she left off and continued reading.

“Hana, you're joking right?” Kai said, grunting as he sat up. “This guy can’t be your soulmate.” 

“What do you mean? Of course he’s my soulmate, our marks glow when we touch, and they match.”

Kai shook his head, tears starting to stream down his face. “Stop joking! I’m your soulmate, I swear.” Hana shook her head in disbelief, the absolute desperation in her friends voice was frightening.

Kai stood up shakily, beckoning Hana closer.

“Grab my hand.” Kai said, holding it out to her.

She refused, “Kai… stop.”

“Please Hana, do it for me.” Hana took a step forward gently grabbing his hand. As she suspected, she didn’t feel anything. 

But Kai let out a new wave of sobs as he pulled down the collar of his tunic, revealing his soulmark glowing, but instead of glowing gold, it was an angry shade of red.

Kai dropped her hand, falling to his knees in pain.

Chaewon paused, thinking of this new information. In her research, she did remember reading about some people’s bonds being so strong their marks glowed at contact. Chaewon had never seen it in real life before but knew it happened sometimes. It would be a nice way to confirm, because there was still that last shrivel of hope that Chaewon was somehow mistaken and Hyejoo really wasn’t her soulmate. She would just have to find a way to discreetly test it out without Hyejoo noticing.

“Kai? Oh shit I think he passed out.” Hana said to her soulmate, who watched the whole encounter silently.

They lifted him onto the bed and let him rest some more, his body covered in sweat. As he rested, a fever came over him and squirmed and groaned in his sleep. 

When Kai awoke, Hana was still seated at his bedside, her other soulmate nowhere to be found. He groaned, his body tormenting itself. All this because the universe decided to give him someone he could never have?

“Kai, I-I’m sorry. You have to understand how hard this is for me. I don’t know what to do.”

He knew it was a long shot. He knew it was greedy. He knew it was wrong.

“Please Hana, I need you.” The girl sighed, tears in her eyes.

“I can’t force myself to love you! Not like that. It… it can’t happen, okay? I’m sorry!”

Kai knew she would reject him. Kai knew they weren’t meant to be. A feeling, subtle at first, pressed on his chest. Slowly the pressure increased until he was left gasping for air. Hana, unsure of how to help him as she watched in fear as he coughed and wheezed for air.

Abruptly, it stopped, although when he inhaled it felt like tiny needles were prickling his throat.

“Hana, please leave.” He said, looking down and his hands clenching the blanket draped on his bed. 

“What?” She asked in disbelief.

“Just do it. I’m sorry, I need you to leave.”

And so, she left. Kai watched her back as she left. He waited until he was certain she was long gone, and forced himself to stand, ignoring the searing pain coursing through his whole body. 

He hobbled out the door to his home and wandered the path, each step exhausting him further. Along the way, he found a stick that acted as a cane for him as he continued. There was a constant feeling of tugging. His whole being wanted him to turn around, back to town, where Hana no doubt was. Everything ached. How could another person have influence over him like this? He had seen people date outside of their soulmates before. It seemed the separation from their soulmates didn’t affect them like this. Why was he cursed?

Not realizing he was still going, he snapped out of his thoughts realizing he was back in the flower pastures. The crashing of the ocean waves on the cliffs nearby sounded close. This place used to be a sanctuary, but now it serves only as a reminder. Maybe if Kai was strong enough, he could move past this. However, at the moment, all he was reminded of was his curse. He was cursed. It was his fault. Not Hana’s. Not Hana’s soulmate. 

Continuing to drift aimlessly through the fields of multicolored flowers, he found himself at a cliff. Waves continued to crash against the rocks, over and over. The wind picked up, jostling his frail body slightly. 

He threw his makeshift cane to the side, looking down at the ocean below. He took a deep breath, feeling a stabbing pain in his chest. The ocean air helped slightly, and he stared up at the clouds as he felt himself grow weightless.

He was finally free.

He finally put an end to his curse.

-

Was this really it? Was there nothing else to live for but love? Chaewon was torn.

The dorm was quiet. The girls went to bed hours ago, she felt like she was in a trance as she walked out of her room. What did she have? Her heart was broken. Shattered into a million pieces. People built their whole lives around their soulmates. What did Chaewon have if she didn’t have a soulmate? Her thoughts wandered to her grandparents. Chaewon was young, but she remembers the pain her grandpa was in when her grandma had died. He was so distraught at the loss of his soulmate.

He died just weeks after.

She made it to the kitchen.

What was she doing here? 

Hyejoo’s grinning face flashed before her eyes. Chaewon felt like laughing at the irony. The person causing her so much agonizing pain was also the cause of her happiness. And she has no idea of any of it.

Maybe she was going crazy. 

She looked at the knife block, where a sticky note Hasuel wrote was stuck to.

‘Chaewon do not even attempt to try to cook >:( 

-h’

She pulled out a knife, without even thinking.

-

Hyejoo was so tired, especially tired of Sooyoung and Hyunjin’s teasing. Her body wanted nothing more than to sleep off today's events. She had the most beautiful girl in the world sleeping soundly next to her, Hyejoo could feel Yerim’s soft breaths on her neck. 

Today had been crazy, all the members brought with them a different kind of chaos. From Jiwoo’s overly excited squeals to Jungeun’s nonstop eyebrow wiggles, she just felt so embarrassed and loved at the same time. Yet, the sound of Chaewon’s sobs stuck in her head. Why was the older girl crying? 

It was driving her crazy. Something was going on and Hyejoo had no idea what to do about it.

Should she give her space or confront her? Her best friend was in pain and Hyejoo felt helpless.

She let out a sigh, accepting she probably wasn’t going to sleep with her mind cluttered and gently shifted Yerim off her, careful not to wake her. Tucking her soulmate in, Hyejoo left her room intending to get some water.

In the hallway, she heard sobbing, coming from the kitchen.

Hyejoo’s eyes widened and she rushed forward.

“Who’s there? What’s going on.” Hyejoo burst in the room and saw Chaewon sobbing on her knees, her arms clutching her body as tears streaked her face. Hyejoo kneeled down next to her unsure of how to comfort the girl.

“Chae? It’s me, Hyejoo. Can I… can I hug you?”

Chaewon looked up, her eyes reddened from crying.

“Oli?” 

“Chae it’s me. I’m going to hug you now.” Hyejoo carefully unwrapped Chaewon’s arms from herself and pulled the smaller girl in for a hug.

Hyejoo thought she was settling down, but as soon as she started stroking her head, she started sobbing again, her hands clutching Hyejoo’s shirt as she cried.

“What… what is w-wrong with me?” She heard Chaewon mumble.

“Chae… I need you to breathe for me. Can you do that?” Hyejoo asked, trying to make her voice soft. She felt Chaewon nod. “Feel my breaths, and try to breathe with me, okay?” 

Hyejoo continued rubbing her back, just now noticing the large kitchen knife that lied next to Chaewon on the floor.

Panic settled into mind. Was Chaewon going to?

“Everything is okay. I’m here unnie.” The girl calmed down. 

“Chae, I want to help you. What can I do? Please, whatever you need.” Hyejoo wasn’t sure if she should push the girl. She was clearly unstable and vulnerable right now.

“You can’t help me. No one can.” The girl whimpered, her grip tightening around Hyejoo.

“Please, tell me what’s going on Chae, I need to know how to help. This has been going on too long now.”

“Hyejoo…” Chaewon looked up, red eyes gleaming with tears.

“You’re my soulmate. But I’m not yours.”

Hyejoo froze.

At first, she wanted to deny it. That was impossible, right? She had never heard of something like that before. But then again, the words Yerim and Hasuel spoke earlier echoed in her mind. 

Things started adding up.

The pain and shock on Chaewon’s face when Hyejoo and Yerim revealed they were soulmates. How she disappeared for a while after. Why she cried. Why she was getting sick. What Yerim said about Chaewon’s soulmate earlier. 

“Chae…” Hyejoo whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

The girl looked down.

“I was going to do it.” The older girl said, gesturing to the knife. “But, I just couldn’t do it. I want to be selfish so badly and just take you all for myself, or just end my suffering but, I’m too weak to even tell you. I’m too weak to do anything. Hyejoo I-”

Chaewon coughed, softly at first but it grew into louder and louder coughs as Chaewon started gasping for air. 

Suddenly the older girl reared back and pushed Hyejoo away as she threw up on the floor. Hyejoo heard footsteps rushing from the hall, but didn’t quite register it fast enough as she watched Chaewon throw up. Frozen, Hyejoo just stared, noticing that Chaewon’s vomit didn’t smell like vomit at all. It smelled… rosy? Hyejoo did a double take, realizing Chaewon was throwing up leaves and flower buds.

Chaewon was throwing up unbloomed flowers.

-

What was happening?

A low hum vibrated through her consciousness. Was she even conscious? Was this what came after death? Her eyes wouldn’t open, or maybe they already were, and Chaewon was just drowned in darkness. 

She heard a voice. Chaewon wanted to find the voice. The first step was hard, she couldn’t quite get her body to stand up. Stumbling forward, she quickened her pace. The voice got louder, urging Chaewon to quicken her pace, she broke out into a full sprint towards the voice.

Her eyes cracked open, breathing in and out rapidly. A respirator was covering her face and nose, fogging up at her panicked breaths. She reached to tug it off, realizing her arm had an IV and heart rate monitor hooked up. She sat up, taking deep breaths to try to calm herself, realizing she was alone in the hospital room.

Her brow furrowed, trying to remember how she ended up here. Although she wasn’t sure how long she had been asleep, it felt like a few minutes ago she was throwing up on the kitchen floor with Hyejoo.

Hyejoo. 

The girl knew everything now. It was hard to gauge Hyejoo’s reaction when she was too busy throwing her guts up.

Chaewon was snapped out of her thoughts by a commotion going on outside the room. It sounded like shouting.

She tugged off the respirator, wanting to go out and find someone. She wanted Hyejoo.

The door opened, and a woman in a lab coat, holding a clipboard walked in. 

“Oh, you’re awake!” The doctor sounded surprised almost, like she wasn’t expecting Chaewon to wake up.

“Um… is Hyejoo here? I have to see her.” Chaewon mumbled. She felt confused and hurt. As much as she yearned for Hyejoo. Her stupid smirk. Her noisy laugh. Her piercing eyes. Chaewon realized she wasn’t sure if she could ever meet the younger girl’s eyes again.

The doctor sat at a chair next to Chaewon’s bed, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. 

“My name is Dr. Yongsun. Before we allow any visitors, I have to ask you a few questions. I would be lying if I said the condition you have is,” the doctor paused, looking down at her clipboard, “well it’s something I’ve never seen in my years of being a doctor.”

Chaewon widened her eyes. “W-What’s wrong with me?” 

“Well, at first it wasn’t clear. But, after numerous x-rays we have confirmed you have some- well we haven’t quite confirmed what they are, but something is growing on your lungs and heart, up your esophagus.” 

The doctor flipped through some pages, showing her x-ray images that Chaewon assumed were her lungs. 

“We are planning on conducting an open heart surgery as soon as possible, but considering we have no idea what we are dealing with, it is risky. We are flying in one of the best surgeons in the country to handle the operation. We need you to undergo the surgery immediately because they have caused internal bleeding and damage to your lungs.” 

Chaewon was having a hard time understanding the doctor. She was confused and hurt. She just wanted Hyejoo.

“Do you think I’ll live?” Chaewon asked. A part of her hoped the doctor said she wasn’t going to live, Chaewon didn’t care, it sounded like an easy way out. 

“Well, you’re definitely in danger if we don’t figure out what’s growing inside you. It’s unclear whether you have a parasite of some sort, hence the surgery. We need to learn how deeply rooted this parasite is into your organs as well. We will allow you visitors now, I think I will save my questions for later.” The doctor smiled at her, pushing up her glasses again that inched their way back down to the tip of her nose.

A few minutes after the doctor left, she heard the door slam open, and a mass of bodies piled into the small hospital room. Her members, their managers, all came in. For a few moments, everyone was silent, until it erupted in noise. Chaewon was numbed to all the reassurances and concerns thrown her way, allowing everyone to hug her and hold her hand. She felt like she was choking, and a prickly feeling stabbed at her chest. 

One person was painfully missing from the group.

Soon everyone was being ushered out of the room, until Hasuel and Vivi were the only ones in the room.

“Chae… the doctors say you’re gonna have surgery in a few hours.” Hasuel said, grabbing her hand gently. 

Chaewon just stared down at her bed sheets. No matter what they said she just couldn’t find it in herself to care. All those nights staying up playing minecraft and mario kart would probably be over. Going on midnight snack runs, watching Hyejoo cook for her, sharing music with each other. Would anything be the same between them? Chaewon didn’t hear any of the words Vivi and Hasuel were speaking. She couldn’t meet their eyes, refusing to look up.

“Chaewon! Can’t you see you’re in danger? Please say something!” Hasuel shouted, tears forming in her eyes as she shook Chaewon’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry unnie.”

“Please, there’s more to life than your soulmate. You have us. Your fans. Your family. Please Chae, I know you care.” Hasuel said, wiping tears from her eyes. “We can get through this.”

“Why isn’t Hyejoo here unnie?” She asked, finally looking up at them, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Why isn’t she here?” She sobbed, hugging Hasuel close.

Chaewon cried until she was exhausted. It was sickening, how much she has cried these past few days. As much as she wanted to cut herself some slack, Chaewon was tired of the pity party. For some reason, she couldn’t allow herself to accept Hyejoo wasn’t hers.

“I’m sorry Hasuel unnie, I’m sorry Vivi unnie. I just want this to be over.” 

“We are gonna do everything we can. The company is financing the best doctors in the world to figure out what’s wrong. Everything will be okay.” Hasuel gave her a smile, her eyes glistening. 

Chaewon smiled back, wanting to be strong for them.

-

“It’s, well it’s… hard to explain really. They appear to be rose flowers, although they haven’t fully bloomed, but they are growing around her lungs and heart. The problem is they have thorns, which have embedded themselves into the muscle tissue. We can’t remove them at this time because they are so deeply rooted into her organs it’s unclear what the side effects of removing them would be. We need to run a few more tests before we can remove them.” The doctor, Yongsun, as Hasuel has learned, explained. 

“We also have no idea how they even got there in the first place. Roses are not a parasitic plant to begin with, and how they could possibly grow off of a human body is… well it’s a mystery. We have another specialist coming in for another procedure.”

Hasuel sat back down in the waiting room as the doctor left. She was truly at a loss.

What had she missed? There were obvious signs Chaewon was deteriorating, why had Hasuel not taken them more seriously? She could have stopped it from getting this serious if she had just taken Chaewon in when she first got sick.

Vivi grabbed her hand gently, and they both sat there together, being unable to do anything except worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been listening to loona A LOT recently. Some of the best music ever. I can’t stop listening to odd eye circle and D-1 by yves and their new album i need help


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry for what im about to do

Chaewon hadn’t spent a lot of her life in hospital’s, but she never liked them. The lights were probably the thing she hated the most. The cold bright lights made Chaewon feel hollow, and the noise caused by the business of the hospital was rather depressing. Since she was constantly going into surgeries, she had to be in a room near the operating room, which meant hearing a lot of crying families, urgent shouts of orders, sometimes fights.

She’d been here about a week and wished the doctors would just end it.

From what Chaewon could gather, she was a medical enigma. Botanical and medical specialists, the best in their fields, were mystified by Chaewon’s condition. No one could come up with an explanation as to why roses grew around her lungs and heart.

Hasuel and Vivi visited the most, spending practically every free second in her hospital room. They always hauled with them bags of fan letters, to which Chaewon opened and read each one. She felt bad, their company was rather evasive and purposely vague in their announcement that Chaewon was in the hospital, and the fans didn’t know how likely it was she would die soon.

Chaewon didn’t want to die in this hospital.

Her body felt weaker, and Chaewon could tell her time was limited. She wanted to go out someplace pretty, maybe by the ocean? 

The other members visited a lot. Yerim always stood in the back, unable to talk or even come close to Chaewon. Maybe, earlier in her life, Chaewon would be upset that Yerim couldn’t talk to her, but at least she showed up.

Hyejoo hadn’t even come to the hospital since that night.

Chaewon laid back in her hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling. When it came down to it, she didn’t actually want to die, the more she thought about it.

Hasuel and Vivi, her fans, her members, they all reminded her about why she got up every day. It wasn’t that she wanted to die, more like she accepted she was going to die. Chaewon was at peace with it.

There wasn’t much she could do about it anymore.

-

Hasuel came into her room a few minutes later. Chaewon was surprised Vivi wasn’t with her.

“Chae? You awake?” Hasuel asked softly, walking over to the window to close the blinds halfway.

“No, I’m just resting.”

Hasuel sat down, next to her bed. The older girl looked tired, worn out, and Chaewon felt immeasurable guilt for putting Hasuel through this.

“Chae, I’ve been researching and well, I have a theory. About the roses and how to make you better.” Hasuel said, grabbing her hand. Chaewon just looked at her, urging her to continue.

“Okay, well, let’s think about it. Your sickness seems to worsen in direct connection with Hyejoo and Yerim. When they found out they were soulmates a while ago, that was when you first started getting sick right?”

Chaewon nodded.

“And whenever they got affectionate with each other, things got worse?” 

Chaewon nodded again.

“I think the roses are connected to Hyejoo. Have you felt any pain in your mark since you’ve been here?”

Chaewon thought about it, her eyes widening. Aside from a dull ache, a side effect from her body yearning for her soulmate, there was no usual pain in her mark. At all.

“I-no actually, I’ve felt almost normal.” 

“Well, Hyejoo has been isolating herself for the past week, not even Yerim can talk to her. She hasn’t done anything, and your mark reflects that.”

“Unnie I don’t understand-“

“I think the roses are your feelings.” Hasuel said bluntly, interrupting Chaewon’s growing panic.

“What? That doesn’t make any sense I-“

“Hold on Chae, think about it. I mean, how much do scientists really know about soulbonds? Our knowledge of soulmates is so limited, anything could be possible. When they removed that small segment of stem and flower in the last surgery, did you feel anything?”

Chaewon thought about it, the last surgery she underwent, the surgeons removed a small flower as a sample to test on. Aside from exhaustion her body felt from surgery, she felt empty. It was only for a short while and was able to sleep it off, waking up feeling normal again. But for a short time she didn’t feel. 

The look on Chaewon’s face probably gave away to Hasuel everything she needed to know.

“I think if the flowers are removed, your feelings will be too.”

-

“Good morning Chae!” Her nurse, Wheein, greeted cheerfully as she walked in. 

“How are you doing today?” She asked as she checked her vitals, writing them down on a clipboard.

“I’m alright, a little tired.” 

Wheein smiled at her, “Well you won't believe this, but we have some great news for you! Dr. Yongsun will come soon and explain it to you, but you may not have to be in the hospital as long as we originally thought!” 

Chaewon just looked at her, confused.

“Don’t worry, she should be here soon. Need anything while I’m here?” 

“No thanks.” 

Wheein smiled at her and then bowed and walked out the door.

-

“So, because of the testing we were able to conduct on that sample we removed, we have learned a lot actually!” Yongsun said excitedly. She put on her glasses and started glancing at different papers as she continued. “From what you have told us, your physical health isn’t actually affected by removing these flowers, though it may get more complicated with the thorns, we have developed a work around. And they wilt and die once removed, so there shouldn’t be a problem with possible contamination or spreading the parasite. Basically, we are prepared to completely remove the flowers from your lungs!” Yongsun said, pushing her glasses up excitedly. 

“I have every faith you will recover from this… well I guess we still don’t have a name for it-“

“Hanahaki.” Chaewon interrupted, “it’s called Hanahaki disease.”

“Oh,” Yongsun stuttered, “I guess I’ll write that down.”

-

The decision was obvious, right? Get the surgery. Lose feelings for Hyejoo, finally be able to focus back on the group, her fans, her life.

The main problem would be solved. Yerim and Hyejoo could go on being a happy couple like they deserved to be, and Chaewon could be at peace.

But then she thought of Hyejoo’s dumb grin and her resolve fell apart.

Whenever Chaewon’s mind wandered to her soulmate, emotions other than love came to mind. Hyejoo is calm. Hyejoo is joy. Hyejoo is everything. Would all that be lost? Would she look back on their happy memories and feel nothing? Would she even keep her memories? 

Thinking back to what Hasuel said, it all made sense. 

There was no way to be at peace with this soulbound she had. Kai was a perfect example of that. For her to truly be at peace, she would have to lose these feelings permanently. 

It didn’t really sound like peace. 

The more Chaewon contemplated, the more she realized how selfish she was thinking. Instead of thinking about herself, she needed to think about Hyejoo and Yerim. She needed to think about everyone, not just herself. 

The way she saw it, there were three choices. One, refuse the surgery and do nothing. The flowers would eventually bloom, and that’s probably when she would die. Already she was been throwing up buds and leaves, there wasn’t much time before that happened.

Two, she could kill herself like Kai. Less painful, more immediate. Chaewon didn’t like that option, and she had already tried and failed it.

Three, she could get the surgery. She wouldn’t be sick anymore, her body would recover. She would be able to dance again. No one would have to worry anymore. She would live. The surgery was the only option where she lived.

It was obvious, she would get the surgery.

-

“Hyejoo please… you don’t understand the-“ 

“Unnie, I’m begging you to stop.”

Hasuel paused, looking the younger girl straight in the eyes. 

“Hyejoo, I really think you should see her before she gets the surgery. I don’t think she will ever be the same again. I don’t want you to regret this, please just come with us. Yerim will be there. All of us will. Chaewon needs you. She needs her best friend.”

“I can’t, I don’t wanna see what I’ve done to her.”

“Hyejoo, you had just as much say in this as Chaewon. No one wanted this.” Hasuel said, kneeling down next to her and holding her hand, “You have no reason to blame yourself for something so vastly out of your control. Are you really gonna back down when she obviously needs you?” Hyejoo looked at her, eyes wide.

Hasuel tugged on her hands and they both stood up, the light finally shining on her face from the door. Hasuel could see the bags under eyes, the worn out look. 

Hasuel’s heart ached for her family.

“Give me ten minutes unnie.” Hyejoo said, a fire being lit in her eyes.

-

Chaewon could feel her. Hyejoo. She was here. In the hospital. Normally, Chaewon would panic. Maybe she should be panicking, but she didn’t feel the familiar flood of panic at all, she felt content.

After all, everything she was doing was for Hyejoo. They could all be happy if her feelings went away. They could put this all behind them. They could go back to animal crossing, mario kart, and pubg. They could be best friends again.

Someone knocked on her door.

“Come in.” She said, wondering who it was. Most of her members barged in without knocking, catching her by surprise.

Yerim walked in. And behind the brunette was… her soulmate.

Chaewon smiled. Hyejoo closed the door and awkwardly stood in front of it, her eyes darting around the room. The younger girl was practically looking everywhere but Chaewon, and the latter could feel how nervous Hyejoo was. Yerim sat beside her bed in one of the chairs laid out, hiding her face behind her long hair. 

Maybe it was time for Chaewon to comfort them. Maybe instead of them being there for her, she needed to be there for them.

Chaewon scooted closer to Yerim, grabbing both of her hands she folded in her lap.

“Yerimmie, please look at me.” Chaewon asked gently. The girl’s hands were shaking slightly, and Chaewon gave them a slight squeeze.

“Everything’s gonna be okay Yerim, please don’t worry too much.” 

Yerim finally looked up, eyes wide in shock. 

“But Hasuel said-“

“I know.” Chaewon interrupted, “I know what will happen. I’m prepared for it. I’m doing this for you because I love you. I love you both so much. I love my family. I’m also doing this for myself. I have to.”

Yerim nodded, her eyes tearing up as she choked out a sob. Chaewon pulled her into a hug.

“Everything will be fine Yerim. Just… know I will always love you.” Chaewon held her for a moment, and she heard Hyejoo finally move from her stance at the door. The younger girl walked to stand by Yerim, still timid and awkward.

Even when they first met, years ago, it was never awkward like this. Chaewon hated it.

“Chae…” she croaked, her voice quiet.

“Hyejoo, I need you to listen. You guys are my best friends, I want you to always take care of each other. Always respect each other. I won’t let you blame yourself for this. I know that you will want to so don’t even try.”

Hyejoo looked at her, pain written on her face.

“How can you be so calm about this Chae? How can you worry about us when you’re about to-“

“Listen Hyejoo, I refuse to let history repeat itself. I’m going to learn from it. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, and I know in my heart I’m doing the best thing for everyone, including myself.”

“What history? What are you even talking about?” Hyejoo asked, a tear threatening to fall down her cheek.

“There was another person like me, a long time ago. I will not end up like him. No one has to end up like him ever again.”

Yerim stopped crying and looked at her, “W-what happened to him?”

“He couldn’t handle the pain and killed himself.”

Hyejoo’s mind spiraled back to that knife she found with Chaewon in the kitchen. 

The girl before her was so strong. Chaewon was so selfless, so determined to do what was best for everyone. So worried that her and Yerim weren’t okay. It wasn’t fair, Chaewon was really the best of them all, why did she have to go through this?

Overwhelmed with emotion, Hyejoo wrapped them both in a hug, and she couldn’t help but shake as silent tears flowed from her eyes. 

How could she be so selfless and gracious in a time like this?

“Chae, is this really what you want? We have no way of truly knowing what will happen to you.” Hyejoo objected.

“I know, but the roses have to go. The doctor’s explained to me the risks already. I know what I’m getting myself into. I guess I knew the moment I told you…” Chaewon trailed off, growing embarrassed. 

They separated from the hug, Yerim giving them both a solemn nod before leaving the room, giving them both privacy. Yerim knew she had nothing to worry about. The both of them needed closure.

Weakly, Chaewon pulled off the covers and gingerly pressed her feet to the ground. Hyejoo watched as Chaewon stood up, determination in her eyes.

“That night when you found me, I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions. Too many feelings at once, I guess. I’ve had time to think about what I want. What’s best for me. I don’t want to look on from the sidelines in envy at you and Yerim. I don’t want you to worry. I want happiness for you. That’s why I’m accepting the risks that come with the surgery, because it’s worth it.”

Hyejoo was speechless, ready to cry all over again at her words.

“Chae… I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Son Hyejoo, never ever forget that.”

Hyejoo pulled the smaller girl into a hug, cherishing her. 

“I’m happy you’re here. I don’t know what is going to happen in the future, but right now, I truly am happy.” Chaewon said. By some mercy, her mark wasn't flaring in pain. 

She felt warm.

-

Her body ached, it felt like her chest was being ripped out. On her arm, her soulmark was throbbing.

She cracked her eyes open, slowly adjusting to the harsh light of the room. Realizing she was back in her hospital room, Chaewon realized the procedure must be over. Her mind was still muddled from being put to sleep, but she could have sworn seconds ago she was counting back from ten like the nurses told her to.

She clutched her hand to her chest, feeling the small ridge of stitches, the incision made to cut into her chest. So it was done. The roses were gone. The only thing she felt was… light. Her body felt weightless.

Her eyes widened, and she tried to recall everything that happened. Her memories were intact but… different. 

Some of her happiest memories, at least what she thought were, didn’t feel right.

When she got the news of her debut, instead of unbridled excitement and nerves and happiness, looking back, her mind drew a blank. No emotion.

Memories of recent events, a face, lingered in her mind. It was hard to recall, but something happened. The closer to the present she tried to remember, she couldn’t. Names and faces popped up, Hasuel and Yerim came up first, and they felt familiar. Slowly, she started to remember her group, Loona, but things felt tainted. It was painfully obvious she was missing something.

What was wrong with her? 

Chaewon sat up, feeling the ache in her soulmark. Rolling up the sleeve of her hospital gown, she ran her fingers along the mark, but she gasped.

It was gone.

Her soulbond was severed. 

And she didn’t feel anything.

-

After sitting for a few moments, collecting herself, the pain disappeared. The only thing she felt was gone, and in it’s place came nothingness.

Her body started moving on it’s own as she stood up, taking off the heart rate monitor, pulling out her IV. She felt nothing. Only the trickle of blood from her arm where she removed the tube.

Walking herself out of the room, allowing her body to guide itself, she drifted along the hospital corridors. The absence of her tugging soulbond was so apparent, it felt like a massive weight was removed from her shoulder. How did she live like that before, under such constant pressure, ready to break at any moment?

It was like being poked by a needle so long you get used to its presence. It becomes bearable. But once removed, somehow the pain it left still lingered.

For the next twenty minutes she wandered the halls of the hospital, faces Chaewon didn’t recognize rushing past, voices she couldn’t quite make out. It was surreal. She wandered for a while, climbing up stairs, opening doors. It was like she was looking for something, but her thoughts were a mess. What was she looking for?

“Chaewon?” She heard a voice call her name, a voice she recognized.

“Dr. Yongsun.”

The look on her face was one of complete shock. 

“H-how are you walking? How are you even awake? You just got out of surgery less than an hour ago!” She said, rushing up to her.

“I um… don’t know…” Yongsun grabbed her hand, examining the wound where Chaewon pulled out the IV, “where is Hasuel?” 

“Well, I sent them all home, I was sure you wouldn’t be awake until at least tomorrow. How do you feel?” Yongsun asked, beckoning her to follow.

Chaewon thought about that as she walked, following the doctor. How did she feel?

“I feel normal I guess.”

They walked into a small room, Yongsun gestures for her to sit down in a chair by a table.

“Normal as in what?” The doctor asked, opening a closet door. Chaewon heard some things clatter about before Yongsun reappeared with some cotton balls and a few other items.

She sat down next to her and gestured for Chaewon to give her the injured arm.

“I dunno nothing really hurts, I don’t know how I feel.”

Yongsun nodded, “This might sting.” She warned, tearing open an antibacterial wipe and cleaning off the blood and wounded area. 

“So you don’t feel any pain?” Yongsun asked, placing a cotton ball over the bleeding wound, taping it down with gauze.

Chaewon shook her head. “That didn’t even sting.”

“And you don’t feel tired, or hungry, or thirsty?” 

“My mouth is kinda dry, I guess I’m thirsty.”

“I see, how do you feel when you think of Hyejoo?”

“Hyejoo?” Chaewon paused. That name…

“Who is that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a lot of things i wanted to do in this chapter. I wanted Chaewon to kind of resolve within herself that she was doing what was best. I wanted it to feel like she matured, but i dont know if i properly conveyed all that. Maybe I’ll leave it open, so you can decide what to make of it.
> 
> One more chapter to wrap things up, i think i will make a happy ending, this has had enough angst lol
> 
> Tell me your thoughts :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly im gonna be finishing all the fics i have in the works right now. 
> 
> I hope you all had a better time this holiday than me lol, 
> 
> My family was over and they were being homophobic so to cope i ended up writing gay fanfiction (this)
> 
> Anyway enjoy the last chapter ^^

The doctor looked shocked, her grip around her wrist slackening.

“You don’t know who Hyejoo is?”

Chaewon shook her head. Her memory felt hazy, sure, but she had no idea who Hyejoo was.

“Oh my…” Yongsun trailed off, scratching her brow slightly. “This isn’t good.” 

“What?” Chaewon asked, confused by the doctor’s behavior.

“I think it’s better to explain to you after you have recovered a little more. Can you tell me what you do remember? Do you know why you are in a hospital?” She asked, standing up and gesturing for Chaewon to do the same.

They both walked out of the room into the hallway, Chaewon following the doctor as she walked briskly down the hall.

“There were flowers inside me, and they were gonna bloom and suffocate me soon. I needed surgery to remove them.”

“That’s right.” Dr. Yongsun nodded, as she guided them to an elevator, pushing the button to go down. “Do you know what the cause of the flowers was?”

“Something to do with my soulmate?” Chaewon said, unsure of her answer. This was the part where she questioned what she knew.

“Ah what the hell, I’ll explain everything to you now.” The doctor said, taking off her glasses and rubbing her eyes. “Hyejoo was your soulmate, but she had a soulbond with someone else.”

“Hyejoo was my soulmate?”

“We believe your one sided soulbond with her was dependent on those roses growing in your chest. Though we have no idea how they got there in the first place.”

“And removing the flowers removed my soulbond to her?”

“It seems to have removed all memories of her as well, something we hadn’t been able to foresee.”

“My group… the girls, why can’t I remember them well either?”

The elevator dinged, and they stepped inside. Yongsun pushed the button to choose her floor and it started moving down.

“My guess would be that you have made so many memories with her over your life, she made up a part of who you were. Some of those memories with Hyejoo included your other members. Now that she has been… well,” Yongsun fiddled with her glasses, “removed from your memory, pieces that included your members have been lost too.”

“Is she a member of Loona?”

“Yes, you are in the same group.” Yongsun answered. The elevator stopped, signaling they arrived at their floor.

“Let’s get back to your room. I will call your manager to let everyone know you’ve woken up. We will have to keep you here just a little longer to make sure there are no other side effects and you are on track for recory, but seeing as you're walking, I believe you will recover just fine.”

“Thank you doctor, for all your help.” 

Yongsun gave her a big smile, placing her glasses back on her nose “Of course.”

-

Hasuel burst into the room, catching Chaewon off guard as she read a book on her bed. As soon as their eyes met, Hasuel launched herself onto the bed, barely giving Chaewon a chance to set her book aside. Their leader hugged her so tight Chaewon thought she might bruise.

“Hi Hasuel.” She said, voice strained from being hugged so tight.

“God Chae, I’m so glad it went well. The doctors say you’ll make a full recovery.” Hasuel said. The older girl was quivering as she spoke, hiding her head in Chaewon’s neck. Chaewon noticed the other members file in, much more subdued than Hasuel. Kahei, Junguen, Yeojin, Jinsol, Sooyoung, Jiwoo, Heejin, Hyunjin and…

“Yerim!” Chaewon shouted, feeling something stir inside her. Excitement?

Seeing the brunette made her feel almost… happy? Memories of them talking and laughing and joking flashed before her eyes. Her best friend...

There was another girl among them, with dark hair, piercing eyes, and a downtrodden look on her face. It was Hyejoo, her old soulmate. The first thing Chaewon did when she got back to her room was look up Loona on YouTube. Interviews, stages, music videos, Hyejoo was in all of them, yet Chaewon didn’t remember any of it. Fan meets where they joked around, sitting next to each other. Comforting each other as they cried on the stage of their first win. So many moments captured on video, clearly of her and Hyejoo, and she couldn’t remember a thing. 

Being brought back to the moment by Hasuel’s sudden crying, she gazed at all her members. Seeing them all smiling and excited to see her made something stir in Chaewon, a warmth that was gentle and soft. She stood up, after getting help from Kahei prying off Hasuel, and gave everyone hugs. Memories of Yerim made Chaewon clutch onto the younger girl a little tighter than the rest.

She paused when she moved to face Hyejoo. 

“I um, I found lots of pictures and videos of us together on my phone.” Chaewon said, keeping a distance between them. “I know before I was… what I’m trying to say is…” Chaewon stuttered unsure of how to continue. Hyejoo’s eyes were reddened, and they started to glaze over with tears.

“I could tell from all those videos we were close once, and I want to do my bes-”

Chaewon was interrupted by Hyejoo bursting forward and wrapping her in a hug, almost as tight as Hasuel. Chaewon was shocked, her arms stuck to her side as Hyejoo let out a sob. Chaewon allowed the younger girl to cry into their embrace as the other members joined the hug, and soon all twelve of them were wrapped up in a group hug. Chaewon was slightly overwhelmed, but it brought that same warm comfort she felt earlier.

Hyejoo felt familiar, like her body knew the girl, but Chaewon’s mind didn’t. It was uncanny, this feeling.

Hyejoo was a stranger.

But Chaewon felt safe in her arms.

-

Soon, Chaewon was officially discharged from the hospital. 

Being back in the dorms was nice. It felt more familiar than the hospital. Doctor Yongsun said that being back in the dorms might help her recover her memory, but so far Chaewon hadn’t recalled much. 

She fell into a sort of rhythm. With the other members busy with their comeback (which Chaewon was absent from), a lot of free time was opened up for her.

Chaewon read a lot of the time. It was distracting from certain problems she was facing now that she was back. 

One of those problems was Hyejoo. The girl was courteous and kind to Chaewon, but it felt like the younger girl was avoiding her. Chaewon could only imagine how hard it was, having your friend lose all memory of you, but Chaewon wanted to make an effort to rebuild their friendship, and it seemed like Hyejoo didn’t. 

With every interaction, Hyejoo was blunt and to the point. Talking as much as needed before leaving. 

Chaewon probably didn’t have a right to feel hurt, but for some backwards reason she did. 

She shouldn’t be hurt, after all they are strangers. 

Except, Chaewon knew she was telling herself a lie. They were anything but strangers. To think that would be ignorant, because from Hyejoo’s perspective, she still kept every memory of the Chaewon before the surgery. 

As bad an idea as it was, Chaewon still watched videos of them. She couldn’t help it. Vlives, game shows, Loona TV, anything. Videos she had of them on her phone. Pictures. Even fan edits. She watched everything, hoping she would remember, but nothing changed. 

The Chaewon in these videos was unrecognizable. Chaewon was struggling to imagine her past self, out of lack of memory of who she was before.

It seemed that Hyejoo had somehow made herself a part of many aspects of Chaewon life. 

She felt so blatantly incomplete.

Yerim was probably her savior. Something Chaewon remembers clearly is the talks they’d always have on Chaewon’s bed. It seems they were having those more frequently now. 

Yerim was always good at comforting her.

The younger girl always encouraged Chaewon to talk about what was going on in her head, if Chaewon thought she was making progress, anything really. Yet, when Chaewon tried to ask about how Yerim and Hyejoo were doing, Yerim would change the subject.

Something was up with Hyejoo, and Chaewon was getting fed up with it.

-

All the girls except Kahei were out shooting the video for their new comeback. Kahei was the first to shoot and was lucky to be able to come home early. When the older girl arrived at the dorm, she gave Chaewon a tired smile before disappearing into her room, probably to get some rest.

She wanted to do something nice for the girls, maybe give them a nice surprise, and cooking a nice meal for them came to mind. They always were hungry after a long day if shooting and dancing.

Wracking her brain about it, she recalled her mom’s tteokbokki recipe, which Chaewon had watched her make hundreds of times and even helped out with before. She could definitely do it on her own.

Checking the fridge and cabinets, she confirmed they had everything she needed. Completely ignoring the vague post note Hasuel left on the knife block, Chaewon got to work.

-

Being the first person scheduled to shoot in the morning meant Kahei had to get up way earlier than the others. Barely getting an hour of sleep, it was no surprise that after greeting Chaewon with low energy, she all but collapsed on her bed, asleep before she landed.

So you can imagine her disgruntlement when Chaewon shook her awake in a panic, a terrible smell the first thing to greet her consciousness.

“Kahei, please wake up!” The younger girl shouted urgently, shaking her shoulders. 

She cracked her eyes open, looking up at the blue haired girl above her.

“What is it?”

“I think I started a fire…”

“What?!”

That definitely did the trick, waking her up in an instant. Jumping up from her bed, she rushed out of the room, following the burnt smell into the kitchen. 

A pot was on the stove, a tall flame rising up from inside it. Quickly, she rushed and turned off the stove, putting a lid on it to suffocate the flames.

After confirming the fire was out, the orange haired girl turned to face Chaewon, who had a sheepish smile on her face.

“Sorry unnie, I really don’t know what happened! I was just-“

“It’s fine, I’m glad I was here. Maybe next time don’t ignore the notes Hasuel leaves.”

“Oh, I was wondering what that was for.” Chaewon said, glancing at the note.

“I guess it makes sense you don’t remember.” Kahei said, walking into the room nearby to open the windows, hoping the smell would waft out, “a while back, you tried to make chicken nuggets and somehow those caught fire. Hyejoo had to come and put it out.” Kahei chuckled, smiling at her.

“We banned you from the kitchen after that, and Hyejoo started cooking for you from then on.”

“Oh…” Chaewon felt her mood sour. She still didn’t know why it bothered her so much to hear about little things like that. Maybe it just reminded her that their friendship from before was more shallow than it seemed.

Why wouldn’t Hyejoo even try to rebuild it?

“What were you trying to make anyway?” Kahei asked, changing the subject.

“Well, I wanted to surprise the girls when they came back from a long day of shooting with my mom’s tteokbokki but uh… it didn’t go so well.” Chaewon said, blushing slightly in embarrassment.

“Oh, well I can help.” 

“Really? Awesome, let’s make a new batch!” Chaewon said excitedly. It was strange. More and more she was feeling excited and happy. Like her emotions were slowly turning on after being completely shut down.

The two of them worked side by side, and under Kahei’s careful supervision, a large pot of tteokbokki was made.

Both of them sat down, too hungry to wait for the members and they ate in silence. 

Chaewon looked at Kahei, who was trying to separate a long strand of cheese stuck to the rice cake she was eating. Kahei was the oldest in her group, definitely the most mature (most of the time).

“Kahei?” 

She looked up, humming in response.

“Do you think Hyejoo hates me?” 

The girl's eyes widened as she quickly chewed her food, swallowing and clearing her throat.

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, I can tell how close we were before the surgery, you know? I’m trying to make an effort to be friends again but every time I try to talk to her past greeting her, she finds a way to leave. I haven’t had a conversation with her since the hospital. Maybe I should just stop trying, I just don’t know what the right thing to do is.”

Nodding, Kahei had a contemplative look on her face. 

“Hyejoo never really likes to talk about her problems out loud. I think the only person that could coax it out of her was you.” Absentmindedly, the older girl stirred her food with her chopsticks, thinking. “Maybe the best thing to do is to give her space. In a way, she’s grieving losing you. Her best friend that she knew is gone in a way. She will come around when she’s ready.” 

“Thanks unnie, I think you’re right. I will give her some time and space.” Chaewon said, taking another bite of food.

The door clicked open and in walked Junguen and Yerim.

“Wow what is that smell? It smells so good in here!” Yerim said excited as she skipped in, bursting with energy even though she was running on very little sleep.

“Yeah I’m starving what is that?”

“Chaewon made tteokbokki for everyone!” Kahei said, giving them both a warm smile. The two girls paused, horrified looks on their faces. 

“Don’t worry, I know what you guys are thinking, she was under very close supervision the whole time.” 

Chaewon blushed. The two girls who just arrived quickly grabbed chopsticks and spoons before sitting down at the table and eating with them. 

The other three girl’s picked up a conversation while Chaewon thought about what Kahei mentioned earlier.

Hyejoo probably was grieving the loss of her best friend. If the way she cried and hugged her after the surgery was any indication, Hyejo was holding in a lot of feelings. It was worrying. But realistically, what was she supposed to do? There was no way things could go back to the way they were. Maybe it was best to leave it to the people who knew Hyejoo best, even though not too long ago, Chaewon would be considered one of those people.

They all finished eating, and Kahei insisted on doing the dishes to let everyone relax. Junguen went into her room, giving Chaewon an opportunity to talk to Yerim.

“Yerim?” She asked as they walked into the younger girl’s room together. “Can I ask you to do something for me?”

Yerim nodded, laying down on her, with Chaewon laying next to her.

“It’s so weird, seeing all these pictures and videos of me and Hyejoo. God we still haven’t even updated the fans. All the company has said is I’m on an indefinite hiatus. I don’t like that at all. How can we hide something so big? Sometimes I just wanna turn on vlive and tell them everything.”

Yerim nodded, sympathy in her eyes. “What were you gonna ask me to do?” She asked softly.

“Oh yeah, well…” Chaewon got slightly nervous, “I can just tell, Hyejoo isn’t doing well and um, I can’t be there for her, but as her soulmate you can. Even though I may not have the right to, I worry about her. Will you promise to be there for her, at least try to get her to talk to you? I don’t want anyone to go through what she is alone.”

Chaewon turned to look at Yerim to see the younger girl’s eyes shining with tears.

“Chae you big dummy,” she said, slapping her shoulder, “you made us promise to take care of each other before you got the surgery.” Yerim said, her voice cracking. “Even after, you forgot everything and you _still_ …” Yerim trailed off, her voice heavy with emotion, “I didn’t know if giving her space was the right thing, because that’s what I was doing, but I think you’re right, I will be there for her better.” Yerim said softly, staring up at the ceiling. 

“It’s hard to know what’s best for her, but she needs someone.”

Even it wasn’t Chaewon she needed.

-

As the day went on, more members kept trickling into the dorm, equally exhausted and hungry. Each one had a similar reaction when they found out Chaewon made the delicious tteokbokki that waited for them as well.

Soon everyone but Sooyoung and Hyejoo were back from shooting.

It has been a few weeks since her surgery and Chaewon feels like some relationships with her members really haven’t changed. Hasuel still doted on her, Hyunjin cracked weird jokes, Jiwoo was… Jiwoo. It felt reassuring to have so many people being supportive and patient with her. That same warmth stirred within her just thinking about it.

They were all sitting around in the living room, waiting for Hyejoo and Sooyoung to arrive so they could all celebrate the last day of filming. For some reason, Chaewon felt _weird_ when she thought about Hyejoo.

What was this feeling called? Nervousness?

Her emptions have all been suppressed, and relearning all these different feelings was hard.

Whatever it was, when the door clicked open all heads turned to see Sooyoung and Hyejoo tiredly step inside, kicking off their shoes somewhat carelessly and groaning in exhaustion.

Chaewon watched Hyejoo, staring more than she intended. Even after losing all memory of the girl, something still drew Chaewon to her. Even though she was clearly exhausted, she gave tired greetings to everyone, even sparing Chaewon a subtle nod.

Giving her space was going to be hard, especially when everyone else stood to greet them. 

Tiredly, Sooyoung sat with them, Kahei heating up some food for them, and Yerim whisked Hyejoo away into a bedroom, hushed whispers being exchanged.

Chaewon hoped whatever was going on with her would work out.

-

Soon after Yerim and Hyejoo left, the remaining girl’s all decided to put on a movie to just unwind together. 

Everyone separated to different couches, snuggling under massive amounts of pillows and blankets. Chaewon sat on a big couch next to Jinsol and Hasuel, a large empty space beside her. 

Chaewon’s mind wandered, her thoughts settling on her ex-soulmate. Should she really call her that? In any case, it confused her why Hyejoo refused to talk to her. She thought back to a few days ago...

  
  
  


_ “Hey Hyejoo, how was your day at practice?” Chaewon asked, approaching the girl as she removed her shoes by the entrance of their dorm. _

_ The girl looked up at her, surprised as she paused taking off her shoe, before snapping out it and continuing to remove the shoes. Looking away from the blue haired girl. _

_ Not wanting to get discouraged, Chaweon stood there, waiting for Hyejoo to finish. _

_ When she did finish, their eyes met, and Chaewon was about to say something but Hyejoo stepped right by her, disappearing into the dorm. _

  
  
  


Chaewon cringed at the memory. Maybe Chaewon should just accept their relationship was severed irreparably. It would probably be easier on both of them.

They got about halfway through the movie when the couch dipped beside her. Chaewon turned to see Hyejoo sitting next to her.

The girl had a small smile on her face, and she waved gently at Chaewon. 

Shocked, Chaewon glanced at Yerim for help, but the girl was already seated, watching the movie that played.

Seeing Hyejoo smile made a huge grin break out on Chaewon’s face.

“How was your day today?” Chaewon asked, whispering softly.

Hyejoo let out a soft groan. “Tiring really. I wanna play games all night tonight, I feel like I need to unwind.”

“Would you…” Chaewon took a deep breath, this girl somehow made her so nervous. “Would you want me to play with you?”

“I think I’d like that.”

So, when the movie ended, Junguen loudly announced she was going to bed. As she left, she grabbed Jinsol’s hand slightly aggressively, dragging the older girl to their room. Everyone chuckled as Jinsol quickly tried to bid them all goodnight. 

Junguen was always serious about her bedtime, and poor Jinsol tended to get roped into it. After a few more minutes, everyone else but Yerim and Hyejoo followed, leaving the three of them together on the couch.

Hyejoo wordlessly stood up, turning on their switch and grabbing three remotes. 

They played mario kart all night.

They would be fine.

Chaewon was fine.

There was a subtle warmth in her heart.

She couldn’t have Hyejoo, even though the girl still somehow made her heart beat fast. The way Yerim yawned, leaning into Hyejoo was enough evidence to prove it.

Chaewon didn’t have _a_ soulmate.

She had eleven.

Her family was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)
> 
> I have one in the works im also really excited to keep working on, im writing a fic about hyejoo getting stuck babysitting for lipsoul cuz thier sitter ran late and she fell asleep on the job only for the sitter to come (yerim) as her and the baby sleep. Im trying fluff for once y’all.
> 
> If this sounds interesting comment and I’ll probably release it sooner :)
> 
> Also i was thinking of doing prompt requests so i might open a new fic for requests but idk if enough people are interested we’ll see.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how the name Hanahaki came about I just made up the Hana and Kai story. I figured you could just mush their names together and there, it was an idea i had a dream about actually lol
> 
> and i have no idea how the actual dorms are or anything like that so don't' take my word for it
> 
> Also comment any thoughts and leave kudos. They are super encouraging to me


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